phil h
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Chronic - hopefully on my way to Episodic or ???????????????I remain painfree since 4AM 3/8/08 . I have had some slight shadows on 3 days and some hard shadows 2 other days . I still consider this painfree . I think I'm so thrilled by the absence of my tintinitus , that anything up to a K3 in just a slight discomfort compared to my past history . I feel almost guilty . I found myself wondering where the beast was today . Oh my God , I think I'm beginning to grieve . Finding the old phil of 1998 is awesome . My daughter was home from college for 6 days. She made me cry . She didn't go out much . She said she wanted to spend time with the dad she has missed for along time . She said at the end of 1998 , I began tx. for hep c while on the liver transplant list . I became focued on survival , then surviving 12 months of tx . That was a success , but followed by cancer and 6 months of tx . That was successful . Then 9/11/01 began an overwhelming amount of grief work and emotionally drainning year with over 50 grieving families . Then along comes CH's and I became further isolated in surviving . My daughter says I always said I was going to get through my medical stuff and not die . She cried and told me how angry she was when I died 11/06 and clearly said she willed me to live ................ I think she may have . Today she told me that she once again believes I will walk her down the aisle at her wedding one day and play with her children when they arrive ....................... I asked to see her graduate from college first ................ It's hard to have a 20 year old point out that I was not all there for half of her life .............. The time frames had been lost on me . I was just too busy trying to survive my experience . I really thought I was always emotionally present , but I guess I was wrong . Life is a gift . Enjoy each moment , and do not take any painfree time for granted....................................... I pray for all of you each day . I haven't been around much because I have been working and living alot . I hope this never ends and will not fear tomorrow . What will be , will be . Peace and blessings to all . love , phil h 
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Annette
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Phil, thanks for sharing. That was awesome.
I really hope you have grown out of CH and that it doesnt come back again. There is a chance of that.
You are not the first person I know whose CH started at the time of the worse physical and emotional turmoil in their lives. There is the chance that now most of those wounds have healed enough that CH will be on the way out too.
Its understandable to try to analyse things and to make sense of events in ones life but sometimes the answer is with the Higher Power and we will never know. It doesnt matter in the end. You are now painfree and you can be there for your daughter and your other children. That is the most important thing.
I am very very happy to know that your CH has ceased. Let it go.
Love you too and I am still praying for you and your family.
God bless.
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Tami
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Im so happy for u Phil i do hope that you stay painfree for the rest of your life,
U will still have 2 come and tell us wot u r up 2 and wot painfree life is like,
hope 2 catch up with u soon !!
love and hugs
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Ike
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this is the best thing ive ever read in my life im so chuffed for you phil i really really am !
enjoy living phil, end of an era !! i truly hope you stay pf forever !!!
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Em
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Phil,
That's amazing. I'm so happy to hear that this could be it for you. And it sounds to me like you've got a wonderful girl there who loves you so very much. It also seems like someone is watching over you and giving you this second chance to stop surviving and start living. Bless that guardian angel watching over you, whoever they are.
As for the rest of us (certainly me!), I feel full of hope and optimism that this can go away for ALL OF US.
Phil - you're inspiring. We miss you, but love the fact that life has started again for you.
Make the most of it and keep us updated!!
Lots of love and hugs,
Em
x
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Jill
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Hi there Phil...
That is so great that you have been pain free and I am so very happy for you!
Everyone is right, it is definitely time to start living and not just surviving! And it seems like you have a wonderful daughter to help out here, to remind you what life should be about. I know that it might be hard but don't fret about the past because you cannot change it and don't worry about the future too much because then you won't be living now, when it is most important.
I think that us clusterheads sometimes worry more about the future because we fear the next attack and it is so hard not to do that. But it is so important at the same time, be prepared for what might happen but enjoy all the blessings that life is giving you right now!
I do want to ask you, if you do not mind this, do you know what you did to become pain free? Did you try a new medication or something along those lines? I have hit my six year mark in being chronic and I am curious to know how your broke the cycle.
You give us hope Phil, thank you for that.
Jill
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phil h
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$#%%&EDGF#%$@(^%^....................... The beast came in with a roar at 5Am Wed . 3/26 08 . Just 1 hit that day . Today 3/27/08 , 2 hits . My ability to handle the pain is certainly better as a result of an 18 day respite . I increased my meditation time to 3 - 45 minute sessions daily. Still no medications . I take an 81 mg bayer aspirin each morning . Tonight I rediscovered pain from the cluster lump . Yes the dreaded cluster hump . I had forgotten about that dull to sharp throbbing discomfort . I remain positive and focused on healing . I am going to a sweatlodge on the banks of the the Delaware River for the day on Sunday . Some native american spiritual healing rituals may work great right now . I'll report back . I continue to benefit from the healing prayers of healer Rev . Bob Ward . Work has been plentiful and effortless . Moments of peaceful serenity have been many . I am going to stop at the Rapture Trust Sunday morning to watch them release the saw-weth owl I rescued this winter . It had flown into an all glass blg . on a night of a full moon and with the stars relecting on the blg. collided . I found 2 owls huddled on the ground one morning . They had to put one down . It had a broken back . The second one had a broken wing and a concussion . That one is ready to be released . Actually I found 2 other owls dead at this blg, the same week .......... sad ......... Very cute little owls . I will post a picture for you Ike ........... I hope you are all well ...... On 3/22/08 , I had e-mailed William a congratulations on the birth of Aslan Avi Rose 3/21/08 . He responded today and asks about you all ...... I guess he has been busy . He said he hadn't checked e-mail for awhile . I'll come back on this weekend . Oh yeah , I've minimized my computer time to under 30 minutes a day .............. Love and peace to all . I pray for all of you each day . phil h
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Ike
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phil
im really sorry your getting hit again, all i can say is just keep doing what your doing ! live each min!!
thats really sad about the owls but im happy one can be freed, please do post a pic as its not a bird i know of, although im gonna go looking now lol.
i had sent william an email with no reply ill emil and congratulate him again. ive really missed you phil.
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phil h
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Getting about 2 K6's a day . Nothing over 40 minutes . This is very liveable . I am meditating more and feeling great . I hope to enter another pf run soon . Maybe it's taking no meds , except 81 mgs bayer aspirin a day ; but I feel fully human and alive again . You know a K6 is nothing compared to the past . After meditating , it's like nothing happened at all ............ I really think being away from drugs that may not have helped is joy . The longer I can stay away from the drugs I will . Phil h :smt104 Rev. Bob continues his healing prayers for me . I take it on faith . Something continues to change in my head and spirit .
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Jill
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That is great Phil, I am very happy to hear that you are doing so much better!
It does make a difference to go med free - I decided to go off of all of my meds except for the ones that I really need because they were not working and were causing so many side affects. It is like becoming alive again.
It is such a strange thing to say that two KIP 6's a day is good but I know what you mean. It is nothing compared to what you have dealt with before and must be a huge relief on you.
Keep up the getting better!
Jill
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Ike
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Thats great phil, well not great but much better than you were
Im glad your still med free and the longer you stay like that the better i was med free for 9months i just started veramimil again and we are going for 990mgs !! im at 560 so far and going up by 80 every 2weeks after an ecg.
I really wish you the very best from the bottom of my heart phil
keep faith
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