Annette
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Coping tips for supportersSome coping techniques for spouses/supporters of CHers.
1- When your Cher is in cycle, you may dearly miss the painfree time. Keep in mind that with proper treatments and your support, things will improve.
2- Find your own therapist. You may need a professional to help guide you through the hard times .
3- Look for a support group , come join this board and talk to other supporters and Chers.
4- Go with your Cher to a few of his/her appointments and talk to their doctors. Ask questions, listen to the therapist's conclusions or views of your spouse's care. Try to be interactive in their care rather than inactive. Don't be overwhelming, though.
5- Find time for yourself with such things as hobbies, walks, jogging, sports, and writing. Sometimes it helps to vent a bit of frustrated energy. You can go for a vigorous walk and clear your head.
6- When your partner is painfree, talk to them about your needs and their needs. Don't be confrontational, don't blame, just gently tell them how you feel about things from your perspective.
7- When things are tough and the hits are relentless, remind yourself continually throughout the day that there will be better times ahead. Make it a mantra.
8- Research and find reading material about CH. Get to know what you and your spouse are battling against.
9- If you have family, spend time with them. Spend time with friends.
10- If your spouse is hospitalized, ask family and friends to help out with the children, housework, cooking, and even with visitation. Ask for help, this is very important.
11- Treat yourself ever so often. Allow yourself to sleep in one day a week or take a long, hot bath. Have a good cry once in a while. You don't always have to be the strong one.
12- When your spouse is enjoying painfree time, spend pleasurable time together. Go on a date. Spend time with the children. Go for walks, etc.
13- Ch can make a person depressed or irritable at times. Try not to take unpleasantness personally. It is not your fault that your spouse is depressed or suicidal for that matter. They may be emotional powder kegs ready to blow at any moment, irritable beyond belief, even spiteful. You must remember that it is the illness talking, not them.
14- Learn to relax when you don't have to be on guard. If stress is physically manifesting itself as backaches, sore and stiff muscles, or general aches and pains, consider going to a massage therapist.
15- Let the people around you know when you are going through an especially trying time. If possible, take some time off work.
16- Don't argue with your spouse about what works for them or not works for them. CHers know about how their bodies respond to various meds. Remember that what works for some doesnt work for others.
17- If your spouse is hospitalized, talk to their nurses/doctors about their progress. It is a great way for you to get daily updates on your spouse's condition. Be an advocate for their treatment.
18- Don't have high expectations when your CHers is in high cycle. They need all their strength to just get through the day. They will be better once the hits get less.
19- Do not turn to drugs or alcohol to take away your pain and frustrations. You need to be strong for you and your spouse's welfare.
20- Laughter is always good medicine. Rent a few comedies one evening and invite a few good friends to come down and watch them with you. Laugh.
21- If you have become so resentful and angry at your spouse that you have begun to experience marital problems, consider visiting a marriage counselor when the spouse is painfree.
22- Don't blame everything on your spouse. It is not their fault that they are ill. Don't blame everything on yourself. That is not fair. Try to focus on what is best for both of you.
23- Sit down and take stock of your life, what is important and what is not.
24- Talk to others who truly understand what both of you are going through.
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