Sherri
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Help me out guys...I don't have any jokes at the moment...but I will now look for some. And learn how to transfer them.
Any of you have anything to make us smile??? I know Phil does. Ask your daughter how to transfer them or whatever...I'd love to hear YOUR jokes Phil!!!
You're so funny to begin with...and that's a compliment from me. I don't think many people are funny. 
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phil h
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Bad Parrot
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and anything else that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.
David, frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness."
David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
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phil h
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Sherri ,this was a test . now I have to find jokes . This one was for Ike .
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phil h
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There was once a man who was as nice as could be, except he absolutely hated lawyers. Whenever he would see a lawyer on the side of a road, he would swerve his pick-up truck and run over him or her.
Then one day, he was driving down the freeway when he saw a priest next to his car, which had broken down. Being such a nice man, he pulled over and offered the preist a ride to the next gas station.
While he was driving, he saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He started to swerve over, when he realized there was a priest in his car. He thought he missed the lawyer, but he still heard a loud bang. Then he pulled over and confessed to the priest about his problem and said that's why he swerved the car.
He told the priest that he thought he missed the lawyer when the priest interrupted him and said, "That's okay, I hit him with my door
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Sherri
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 Phil...one requirement PLEASE.
You have to put up a "Choke/Snarf" Alert, prior to telling the joke!! My coffee is all over my shirt and desk.
I LOVED THAT. Yeah..."Ike the Birdman" 
I just don't get it Ike...a chronic CH with chirping birds.... :smt104
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Sherri
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Awesome!  I HAVE to find some JOKES!!! I will...it's great to have some to read...they really are funny  ...that was to shock the hell out of everyone.
I laughed my butt off when I saw that one...knowing everyone would look at it...and think... :smt104 ...and NEVER USE IT!!! 
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phil h
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GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS
God says to Adam, "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"
Adam says, "Tell me the good news first."
God says, "I'm going to give you a penis and a brain. You'll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect."
Adam replies, "Wonderful! But what's the bad news?"
God says, "I'm only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time."
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Sherri
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Why is it that there seems to be truth to that one Phil???  
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phil h
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A short guide to comparative religions:
Taoism : Shit Happens.
Buddhism : If shit happens it's not really shit.
Islam : If shit happens it is the will of Allah
Protestantism : Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism : Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism : This shit happened before.
Catholicism : Shit happens cuz you are bad.
Hare Krishna : Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. evangelism : Send more shit.
Atheism : NO shit!
Jehovah's witness : Knock Knock Shit happens.
Hedonism : There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science : Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existentialism : What is shit anyway?
Stoicism : This shit doesn't bother me.
Rastafarianinsm : Let's smoke this shit.
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phil h
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A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
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Sherri
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Those are great.
Phil...I went to computer hell suddenly last nite...explaining my sudden disapearance...
My keyboard stopped working...  ...a key get's stuck down. Then I have to do some very highly technical repairs.
I get a knife and try to "pop" it back out...wasn't working last nite. I had to walk away so I didn't end up throwing the computer.
Keep the jokes coming. I love the drunk guy one. Thanks for your help with this Phil. Thanks for getting it going.  
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Ike
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Lmao they were brilliant love em keep them coming,
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