STRESS TRIGGERS

phil h · STRESS TRIGGERS

I know alot of you CH's have experienced great joys , sorrows and stress throughout the holiday . The last several days stress has been triggering me regularly . Not personal stuff . Work stress . That's the kind of stress that I usually thrive on . Alot of referrals to er's , rehabs , inpromptu interventions brought in by families , death/grief and relapsers . This holiday season has not been any busier than past holidays . I swear I have been triggered and hit within 30 minutes of these situations . I'm not on the phone , they (people) are in front of me . Fortunately , only 3x's did I have to abort sessions . I can work really fast and move on referrals quickly as hits come . I only had 1- kip 8 during one of these sessions . Of course that promptly ended my work . Fortunately I had back up on board for that one . I did have to throw them out of my office where my oxygen was . I feel a little more powerless over the beast right now . I'm not bitching about being hit . I'm bitching about the beast continuing to change the rules on me . These past several years dealing with the beast , I always felt confident when the crisis' at work were great ; I could raise the level of my game and felt bulletproof . I felt confident that I'd get through the fire and maybe get hit afterwards . It is really clear that the beast owns me . Even the part of me that I thought was bullet proof ................ It's very sad ................. I've been getting 6-8 hits per day the past few days . Nothing new ,business as usual for the beast . I made most family holiday appearances , muddled through . I feel like the one time and place I could count on the beast not appearing , has been lost . I must go dark for awhile and pray for a new supply of beast begone to come my way . I've been pretty positive for awhle . Today I feel defeated ...................... F**k phil

Sherri

Aaaw Dear, dear Phil

I've lived the day you're living...the day I sat down and wept, such deep sobs from the bottom of my soul they were soundless...in utter, profound sadness. The day I accepted I REALLY HAD chronic, iretractable, med-resistant cluster headaches. That day took TEN YEARS to come...TEN YEARS for me to accept.

They weren't going away. They more than likely aren't going to for a long time...

Hey..."NOT ME, I'm going to beat this", "I will figure this out"...on and on and on and on.

This bastard of a demon is in a chopper, has a machine gun with a scope, is an expert marksman..."THE" finest of all snipers...and you're on foot in an open field...everyday. And the scope is on you. Who could outrun that situation? It's pretty much what we're living.

The demon cares NOT ONE DAMN what you have planned, what you're feeling, thinking or doing...WHO needs you...even if it's life of death...He'll have some "fun" with you...and not only bring you to your knees in less than five mins...he'll even make you hate yourself in the process.

Don't let him Phil. Accept this the best you possibly can. You've got airtight plans...back up plans, and you're doing the very best you can.

...and life still goes on. Im nine years ahead of you on this...same diagnosis. I just got hit and got off of oxygen about 4-6 mins ago. Im here. There's days that aren't as bad, and days that are atrocious.

Acceptance is good. If anyone knows that you do. Not easy, but good.

Do yourself a favor...don't TRY to outrun it. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself...and let the rest go. Sometimes, changes need to be made. This is our reality, our style of living...for the present. We do all that we can to make sure our life is as smooth as possible...that we're prepared for the "bad" days.

Please, draw off of us. Take our strength, our experience. Take comfort in seeing that we're still standing, laughing, loving...

It's not easy...and you definately get the "cluster blues" from time to time. It's alot to accept...you rest the best you can right now. Re-charge your batteries. Do all you do to feel well....and as always, we'll be waiting for you...the light is always on.

Love You, Sherri

sophiashug

Beast Begone.......Beast Begone........Beast Begone............

I hope you find your safe spot again........

Kathy

phil h

Thank you, the saddness has reduced to a level acceptance . I found my zone again and worked Friday and Saturday . Very high stress levels managed with no hits . I at least feel a little more normal , for me . This firefighting type stress has always been where I become calm and can take control and direct the actions . I thank my family for providing me with these coping/survival skills . Dysfunctional homes can breed some real warriors . Thanks , I,m feeling more whole , beast or no beast . phil h

Sherri

Im glad Phil.

It is a real pain in the a$$ as times...and gets the best of us. You aren't alone in this, always know that.

Sherri

Just because I want to vent and complain:

Im pretty damn tired of this damned demon interrupting my plans...my fun...my pleasure....my meals...my ability to "be there" for people. Shit, I couldn't crawl to a pile of a million dollars four feet away during a hit...nor would I give a shit.

Aaah...but the good days are so much better. The gratitude cannot be put into words...as you cannot have the glory without the guts...and we sure as hell have brass ones.

phil h

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jCvz8y_DUSY

Sherri

Hey...what the hell are you doing up? I thought I was the only one that gets up this early...I sure hope you're ok Philip. Hopelfully you don't have your "ice chapeau" on....

Sherri

MY DAD WOULD LOVE THAT GROUCHO MARX SKIT...He used to actually dress up like him...he's a HUGE fan...

phil h

Yes I am taunting the beast with my ice skull cap on and dancing with Groucho.......................

phil h

I guess if you're up , you've been dancing this morning as well............... I hope you have a better day today !!!!!!! I would wish you pfnad's , but I know it's frustrating to hear that , when that maybe only a dream ....... Be well . laugh , sing and dance , but choose your partners carefully. The beast has crushed my blue suede shoes this morning ....

Sherri

MEGA1.gif he can go to hell...

Yeah...Im dancing.... :smt022

phil h · So sorry..What r u gonna do LET'S DANCE

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2hZuI2O0D2A

Sherri

You're twisted...and I love this song. Im a Bowie fan, especially his "Hunky Dory" days...and his Ziggy Stardust personna.....

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ueUOTImKp0k

Life on Mars...I LOVE this personna...in a strange way, he looks hot :smt104 :smt108

STRESS TRIGGERS

So sorry..What r u gonna do LET'S DANCE